"Marry/F**k/Kill" is a game of the Internet age, and the rules are simple: name a group of three people ("Iron Man and Thor and Captain America," "Blanche, Rose or Dorothy"), and ask the crowd to choose one fate for each of them - one to partner with for good, one explored for a connection but not kept, and one cast off into the outer darkness. Fans of 30 Rock will recognize this game in its safe-for-primetime version, Marry/Boff/Kill, which name we're borrowing because we do not want SB Nation getting angry emails.
Here at Hot Time, we're going to use the game to talk about players - specifically Chicago Fire players, naturally. We're going to use it as a way to talk about the roster. It works like this: ‘Marry' indicates a willingness to keep the player regardless of cap issues or any other considerations; ‘Boff' (i.e., ‘F**k) means that we're, uhh, f**king the player over, asking for modifications to their contract or running them through the Re-Entry Draft process - we're interested but not on these terms; and ‘Kill' means terminating the player's contact with CF97.
We're going to present some kind of argument for each outcome, and let the community have their say. I mean, why not? We already have an entire week of marrying, boffing and killing under our proverbial belts, and if you missed any of it, it can all be found under our Marry/Boff/Kill Story Stream, including our M/B/K: Week 1 Wrap-up.
Mike Magee, #9, 29 years old
2013: 32 appearances (all starts); 2793 minutes; 21 goals, 4 assists
Career: 257 appearances (189 starts); 16,755 minutes; 57 goals, 28 assists
$185,000 base salary, $191,667 guaranteed
Well, this should be fairly straight-forward. Michael f**king Magee, Elmhurst's native son, Chicagoland's favorite footballer, the Fire's midseason savior, the league's Most Valuable Player. Fifteen goals in 22 games wearing the Chicago badge. Mike f**king Magee.
The case for ‘Marry'
Who-wha now? You're seriously curious why we'd want to keep Magee? Step back into the Tardis, Dr. Who, and zap back briefly to early May 2013. The Fire were down there in the mire with Toronto and DC United, punchless, feckless and adrift. Now a brief jaunt forward to the end of the season - Chicago's in the playoff race? Magee. It's Magee. Fifteen goals in 22 starts. Four assists. Passion; expectation; excellence. Magee is the kind of guy one builds winning squads around.
The case for ‘Boff'
If, perhaps, you've learned that in 2003 Magee travelled on down to the crossroads and made a 10-year pact with forces of darkness, then this selection is understandable. Otherwise, it's preferable to immolate oneself in one's kitchen than click the ‘boff' button.
The case for ‘Kill'
There is no case for cutting Magee. I will say that 2013's 21 goals are more than a third of Magee's career total - expecting similar output year-on-year would be inviting disappointment. That said, Magee just put together possibly the best two-thirds of a season in Fire history, so, uhhh, no. But it's your vote, and it's anonymous, so go ahead and click ‘Kill,' prompting an offseason fanbase witch-hunt to out you.