MLS Roundup: We Don't Need No Steenking Draws

John E. Sokolowski-USA TODAY Sports

The Chicago Fire are now the only team to have not won a game this year. Feel the excitement!

Toronto FC 1, New England Revolution 2

I think it's safe to say New England is really starting to "rev" up its game.

The Bostonians took three points on the road against the heavily-hyped Toronto FC side that featured all its main stars with Michael Bradley, Jermain Defoe and Gilberto on the pitch.

It was a pretty good game to watch, but one of the most perplexing moments in retrospect was the opening goal by Jackson. He fired it from way outside the box, it took some weird deflection and went in. For Toronto to score on that flukey shot and not on the multiple looks from Gilberto and a late one from Defoe is mind boggling. I know we like to complain about Juan Luis Anangono every now and then, but Gilberto has to be one of the most frustrating DPs around right now.

The story of the game was Lee Nguyen and rookie Patrick Mullins. The Revolution duo was fantastic all game with Mullins scoring a goal-of-the-week candidate to even it up and then draw a penalty late in the game to give Nguyen the opportunity to the net the winner.

Nguyen outplayed Michael Bradley from whistle to whistle and has been the biggest reason the team has now won three of its last four games. Toronto meanwhile has dropped three in a row. If Nguyen keeps his level of play going, he will be in the MVP conversation.

Doneil Henry may have had to worst performance of the MLS season. He was awful with turnovers – one leading directly to Mullins' goal – and he committed the handball that setup Nguyen's penalty winner.

Vancouver Whitecaps 3, San Jose Earthquakes 2

So pretty much no one wanted to watch Vancouver vs Colorado, but you know, someone has to. As you've seen here before, I think Vancouver is fantastic at home and they once again proved a fun bunch to watch at home at least for the first half.

If Kekuta Manneh doesn't become a superstar than I just don't understand people anymore. He had one of the coolest goals of the week and my personal favorite when he did the equivalent of an alley-oop to himself. He shot the ball of the near post, gathered the rebound, shot again and scored. It was amazing.

From there, the game was pretty even but you never felt Vancouver was in much danger. Pedro Morales, criminally underrated, scored two goals. One on a penalty, the other seconds later during open, even play.

Chris Wondolowski apparently only wants to score during the final moments. He drove home a penalty at the 45th minute-ish mark to make the game 2-1 and then scored in the 90th-minute to make it 3-2. Too little too late for Wondo. The story of his professional life.

It should be noted, Jon Busch reached his 1000th save this game. He really is a great goalie. Also, Jay DeMerit did not have his best game.

Colorado Rapids 1, LA Galaxy 0

Well this didn't go as planned.

Multiple Galaxy men had rough days on the pitch and Colorado took advantage, winning a surprising three points from one of the best teams in the league with a 1-0 score. The beauty goal came from Vincente Sanchez whose chip-on goal will surely become a perennial highlight for the Rapids. It was probably a pass to Drew Moor but who really cares?

It was only a decent game to watch. Powers was out, Keane was not good and Landon Donovan just does not want to set the all-time MLS goals record. But hey, Keane missed a penalty so it's not only the Fire. In fact, he didn't even hit the goalie. Good luck trying to make it in the MLS, buddy.

At one point the fans started to chant "Beat LA," it was like I was watching the NBA Playoffs, if the Lakers were still good at basketball that is.

Seattle Sounders 2, Philadelphia Union 1

The Philadelphia Union actually led for a good portion of this game shocking everyone who knows anything about soccer.

It was a good showing from Philadelphia in a tough place to play, but that whole Clint Dempsey-Obafemi Mar ... oh wait, never mind! Those guys were not the ultimate destroyer that Chad Marshall turned out to be in this game. Yes, Chad Marshall was the best player on the field Saturday. He is a good player and all, but when you have Dempsey and Martins you would not think he would be the man standing out.

My favorite moment of the game was early on when the long-awaited return of Brad Evans was sealed with an own goal. Cristian Maidana sent a free kick into the box and Evans grazed it with his head, netting it in the process. I'm not sure if that is the kind of goal Jurgen Klinsmann is looking for in a potential World Cup midfielder, but who knows.

I would also like to say Zack MacMath will never give up a penalty again. Osvaldo Alonso tried. Osvaldo Alonso failed. It was MacMath's third straight penalty save. If Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi shot a penalty at the same time, MacMath would still stop both.

Portland Timbers 3, DC United 2

Thanks a lot DC United. You decide to draw us and then give Portland its first win of the season, making the Fire the only winless team in the MLS.

The game got started off fast when Gaston Fernandez scored in the first 40 seconds while DC United defenders were still waiting for the game to start apparently. But luckily for United, they have geometry wizard Davy Arnaud. Arnaud took a chance from WAY out and blasted his shot right off a Timber to send the ball arching in an impossibly perfect arch to find the back of the net.

Mamdou Danso proved why they call him Futty and not Heady. Danso put the Timbers back in the lead with a great sliding shot on a corner kick. But then he almost caused another draw when late in the game he headed in an own goal on a United corner. Foot=good. Head=bad.

Max Urruti played hero as he scored in the final minute of stoppage time, giving the Timbers the desperately needed first win. It must feel good. I wouldn't know. I think what really made the difference was Caleb Porter's decision to start everyone's favorite rapper Steve Zakuani.

Chivas USA 1, Houston Dynamo 4

I didn't spend much time with this match. It was late and I was depressed. I'm still depressed. But the Houston Dynamo did exactly what a team should do to Chivas USA and carved them up for a win. They did not lose to them like some other team I know.

The Dynamo scored more goals in the first half than they had in the entire month of April apparently. The first Dyamo goal came from Brad Davis in one of the most Chivas-esque plays I have seen this year. Trying to describe what the centerbacks did on that play is nearly impossible. Three Chivas players were pretty much standing on the same exact spot as if trying to merge into one human being. Davis had plenty of space and netted the goal.

Giles Barnes finally got on the scoresheet for the year with a goal that would probably still be sailing through the air had the net not stopped it. I'm pretty sure the shot would have gone through a brick wall. Will Bruin got me some fantasy points and Barnes scored one more to make up for lost time.

It is safe to say Chivas USA's decent into last year's form is now complete. But Erick Torres is still great and scored again on a penalty, actually giving Chivas the early lead for all of five minutes or so. Despite the awfulness of his team, he will be in the running for the Golden Boot.

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