I hope sometime today Frank Klopas has called, is calling, or will call Carlos de los Cobos and have a nice little chat with him. I hope the conversation goes a little something like this:
Carlos: Hello, this is Carlos
Frank: Carlos, Frank. Tough game last night, eh? How are you holding up?
Carlos: I feel like those people who play the lottery. I keep playing the same numbers but I never win anything. One day the Pick 4 is going to come up 4, 1, 4, 1, I tell you.
Frank: Heh, yeah, I haven't heard that one before (polite laugh but rolling his eyes). Hey, how's that El Salvador thing looking?
Carlos: Wait, what?
Frank: That El Salvador thing, I read in a couple of places that they want to hire you back.
Carlos: Well yes, that is true but why would you bring that... oh... oh I see.
Frank: (In his best Bill Lumbergh voice) Yeah... we are going to need to move you...
More after the jump
Frank: We are going to move you unless you play the players I want to see played. We aren't interested in keeping you for next year. Sure you might have been given an ingredient or two that was past due, some that weren't ripe enough, some a little too late to add in properly, but you added a couple of bad apples yourself and well, some of the best ingredients don't want to work with you next year. It's not exactly like what you cooked up this year was all that great and to be honest I don't think some of the ingredients will ever work with you properly.
Carlos: I see. Well-
Frank: This isn't a time for excuses or finger pointing, just an honest assessment of the situation. Would you say that anything went smoothly this year?
Carlos: Absolutely not-
Frank: Would you say any of us had a good time?
Carlos: No, I think the Frank Klopas Celebrity Pro-Am Golf Outing was probably the only athletic event the Fire had this year where we all really enjoyed ourselves.
Frank: Exactly, and hey it's not like you don't have a sweet gig waiting for you. You like being the coach of El Salvador. You are good at it. Your old assistant Jose Luis Rugamas is keeping the seat warm for you, his contract expires in October, you can start a new job right away. In fact, have you thought about leaving today so that you can make sure El Salvador doesn't hire anyone else?
Carlos: Well now that you mention it, I don't mind saying that I have. I mean the last coach of the Chicago Fire, Denis Hamlett, he took the team to the MLS Cup Playoff Semi-Finals two years in a row and all he can get right now is the Interim Coach of Illinois Institute of Technology's soccer team. What is up with that?
Frank: Yeah, I'm not too sure about that. Anyway, what's it going to be? Resign now? Continue to coach but play only the guys I want to see? I'd love to fire you right now but I'm not sure who to put in the 'Interim' status. I love Mike Matkovich but again, Denis Hamlett was the last first assistant to go from assistant to coach.
Carlos: Crap, out of everyone here, I like Mike the best. We can't do that to him. Well let me think about it and get back to you.
Frank: Yeah, you are right. Let me give you some time... say 20 minutes?
Carlos: Oh, I see. Quick question, could I give Deris Umanzor another start? A testimonial if you will?
Frank: Yeah... I'm giving you 10 minutes now.
With the likelihood that this move could set the Fire back even farther temporarily, I don't see Carlos de los Cobos ever taking this group of guys to the top. It's just a terrible situation that has developed and rather than raise the stakes on a bad hand, we should fold and focus on the next deal. I'll speculate on who and where that focus should be later but for now a total separation or a relief of 90% of Carlos de los Cobos' current coaching duties should occur.
And if Carlos de los Cobos calls Frank Klopas under any circumstances to say...
Carlos: Frank, I want you to know that I'm taking the El Salvador job.
Frank: Wow, Carlos, hold on. Let me send you a link.