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"Marry/F**k/Kill" is a game of the Internet age, and the rules are simple: name a group of three people ("Iron Man and Thor and Captain America," "Blanche, Rose or Dorothy"), and ask the crowd to choose one fate for each of them - one to partner with for good, one explored for a connection but not kept, and one cast off into the outer darkness. Fans of 30 Rock will recognize this game in its safe-for-primetime version, Marry/Boff/Kill, which name we're borrowing because we do not want SB Nation getting angry emails.
Here at Hot Time, we're going to use the game to talk about players - specifically Chicago Fire players, naturally. We're going to use it as a way to talk about the roster. It works like this: ‘Marry' indicates a willingness to keep the player regardless of cap issues or any other considerations; ‘Boff' (i.e., ‘F**k) means that we're, uhh, f**king the player over, asking for modifications to their contract or running them through the Re-Entry Draft process - we're interested but not on these terms; and ‘Kill' means terminating the player's contact with CF97.
We're going to present some kind of argument for each outcome, and let the community have their say. I mean, why not? It's something like three months until the first preseason friendly. In case you didn't get with the action yesterday, we started the series with Logan Pause and Gonzalo Segares, while Chris Rolfe and Joel Lindpere got the treatment yesterday.
Today, we begin with el Cacha, 'the handle,' Egidio Arevalo Rios.
Egidio Arevalo Rios, #5, 31 years old
2013: 9 appearances, all starts; 780 minutes, 0 goals, 0 assists
$768,000, guaranteed
Rios joined a squad loaded with defensive midfielders, and then demonstrated that there are d-mids and then there's el Cacha. Egidio, you're up on this morning's edition of Marry/Boff/Kill!
The case for ‘Marry'
Rios is a special case, a player so fantastically great at his narrow range of expertise that - when used properly - he can alter the tactical makeup of a match. Yes, he's expensive, but he's the kind of expensive that wins titles. Yallop isn't a guy who's relied on lots of high-priced talent, so the chances of adding more than one more Designated Player before the season kicks off seem slim. Is good the aim, or great? Rios is the latter.
The case for ‘Boff'
Good luck! Rios holds all the cards here - if the Fire want him, they're going to have to make him want to come back. That will likely involve bringing suitcases of cash to meetings in Montevideo and building a tactic around his unique talents. Any flinching at the cost, and he's off to Mexico for one last payday. (Frankly, he's probably off anyway.)
The case for ‘Kill'
HOLY BEHOOVIS HOW MANY D-MIDS? You're running a football club. There's only 22 senior spots, give or take. You've already got the club captain as a defensive midfielder, and the best of the latest free-agent crop. Why not add another must-start player to the pile? Let's do it! And let's make sure he's a DP, to boot! 'This is shaping up masterfully,' someone recently fired thought.
How ‘bout it, Fire nation? Marry Rios? F**k him? Or just end it?