"Marry/F**k/Kill" is a game of the Internet age, and the rules are simple: name a group of three people ("Iron Man and Thor and Captain America," "Blanche, Rose or Dorothy"), and ask the crowd to choose one fate for each of them - one to partner with for good, one explored for a connection but not kept, and one cast off into the outer darkness. Fans of 30 Rock will recognize this game in its safe-for-primetime version, Marry/Boff/Kill, which name we're borrowing because we do not want SB Nation getting angry emails.
Here at Hot Time, we're going to use the game to talk about players - specifically Chicago Fire players, naturally. We're going to use it as a way to talk about the roster. It works like this: ‘Marry' indicates a willingness to keep the player regardless of cap issues or any other considerations; ‘Boff' (i.e., ‘F**k) means that we're, uhh, f**king the player over, asking for modifications to their contract or running them through the Re-Entry Draft process - we're interested but not on these terms; and ‘Kill' means terminating the player's contact with CF97.
We're going to present some kind of argument for each outcome, and let the community have their say. I mean, why not? We already have an entire week of marrying, boffing and killing under our proverbial belts, and if you missed any of it, it can all be found under our Marry/Boff/Kill Story Stream; last week's results are summarized in M/B/K: Week 1 Wrap-up.
Juan Luis Anangono, #33, 24 years old
2013: 13 appearances (9 starts), 839 minutes, 2 goals, 1 assist
Career: 167 appearances, 45 goals
$120,000 base salary, $120,000 guaranteed - DESIGNATED PLAYER
Up next in the Marry/Boff/Kill process is a Fire newbie, Ecuadorian striker Juan Luis Anangono. Purchased from El Nacional in Ecuador for a reported "seven-figure transfer fee," Anangono showed a swashbuckling attacking verve in 13 appearances for CF97, along with the occasional donkey-touch - which is where the complication comes. See, that transfer money has a knock-on effect: For at least the 2014 season, Anangono will take up a Designated Player slot. Each team gets only three, and using one on a 24-year-old who doesn't look like the finished article ... well, you let us know how you feel about that, Fire nation.
The case to ‘Marry'
There's no question that Anangono can compete at the MLS level - his two-goal, one-assist haul is deceptive, as he created chances in bunches when on form. Only a seeming love-affair with the woodwork - he once hit the frame of the goal twice in 10 seconds - kept his numbers from being the lead of every article written about him. And he certainly looks the part of target forward, treating Eastern Conference centerbacks to a physical beating every time on the field. There were short stretches late in the season where he outmuscled, out-ran, and out-foxed experienced MLS hands. His game grew as he grew more comfortable.
The case to ‘Boff'
He's a DP. ‘Donkey touch' and ‘DP' shouldn't be in the same sentence. El Serpiente has shown he can compete at the MLS level, but only a few flashes have indicated that he can dominate here, which is what most people expect of a player in one of those precious, no-limit salary slots. Unfortunately, keeping Anangono at a lower salary cap hit is a pipe dream, because of that transfer fee.
The case to ‘Kill'
If we were talking about a 19-year-old who showed what Anangono showed in 2013, I'd be over the moon. A 21-year-old, extremely optimistic. At 24 years old - 25 in April 2014? Hrmmmm. It's unlikely in the extreme that we will see dramatic improvement in Anangono's touch or combination play at this point, which means that we went to South America and burned a DP slot to pick up an Ecuadorian Alan Gordon. That DP tag is going to hang around Anangono's neck like an albatross unless he produces almost immediately in 2014. The psychology of previous investment (see: "seven-figure transfer fee") makes it unlikely that Yallop will be allowed to cut him loose, but we are under no such constraint as we vote, eh?