"Marry/F**k/Kill" is a game of the Internet age, and the rules are simple: name a group of three people ("Iron Man and Thor and Captain America," "Blanche, Rose or Dorothy"), and ask the crowd to choose one fate for each of them - one to partner with for good, one explored for a connection but not kept, and one cast off into the outer darkness. Fans of the dearly-departed sitcom 30 Rock will recognize this game in its safe-for-primetime version, Marry/Boff/Kill, which name we're borrowing because this is SB Nation, and there's, like, kids in here, maaaaaaan.
Here at Hot Time, we're going to use the game to talk about players - specifically Chicago Fire players. We're going to use it as a way to talk about the roster, player by player, in terms of their performance, contract details*, and potential going forward. And we'll do it all with an eye toward 2016 and beyond.
It works like this:
- ‘Marry' indicates a desire to keep the player at their current number or sometimes a bit more;
- ‘Boff' (i.e., ‘F**k) means that we're, uhh, f**king the player over, asking for modifications to their contract or running them through the Re-Entry Draft process - we're interested, but not on these terms; and
- ‘Kill' means we're not even interesting in hooking up - a 'nope.' If under contract for 2016, we'd prefer terminating the player's contact with CF97.
We have previously placed David Accam, Kingsley Bryce, Jon Busch, Greg Cochrane, Razvan Cocis, Daneil Cyrus, Patrick Doody and Collin Fernandez and Adaílton up for a vote. Today's subject is 27-year-old centerback Eric Gehrig.
2015 stats: 25 appearances, all starts, 2214 minutes. 1 assist.
MLS career stats: 71 appearances, 57 starts, 5218 minutes. 2 assists.
27-year-old defender. $95,000 base, $100,833 guaranteed.
The Case for 'Marry:' Eric is a Chicagoland native as well as a flexible and self-effacing defender who for long stretches was the best player on the back line for the Fire in 2015. He's durable, dependable and able to play anywhere in defense. And his contract number goes down smoothly when one starts dividing 3.5 million by 20 professional footballers.
The Case for 'Boff:' Maybe you're one of those group-punishment types, or something? "Until everyone on the back line improves 20%, it's cheese rinds and gristle for dinner, boys!" That could explain it. Or one could take to the comments and explain oneself.
The Case for 'Kill:' 'Kill 'em all and let God sort 'em out,' basically. Maybe Eric wasn't the worst, but who survives after a season of this kind of profound defensive stank? Plus, he was injured late, which may put a dent in the whole 'durable' claim made in the 'Marry' section.
Have your say, Fire family: Eric Gehrig: Marry? Boff? or Kill?
*Please note that we are taking the MLSPU salary information at face value in this exercise. It's common knowledge that the information isn't 100 percent correct, yes. If someone from the front office would like to provide us with superior data, we would be deeply appreciative.