"Marry/F**k/Kill" is a game of the Internet age, and the rules are simple: name a group of three people ("Iron Man and Thor and Captain America," "Blanche, Rose or Dorothy"), and ask the crowd to choose one fate for each of them - one to partner with for good, one explored for a connection but not kept, and one cast off into the outer darkness. Fans of the dearly-departed sitcom 30 Rock will recognize this game in its safe-for-primetime version, Marry/Boff/Kill, which name we're borrowing because this is SB Nation, and there's, like, kids in here, maaaaaaan.
Here at Hot Time, we're going to use the game to talk about players - specifically Chicago Fire players. We're going to use it as a way to talk about the roster, player by player, in terms of their performance, contract details*, and potential going forward. And we'll do it all with an eye toward 2016 and beyond.
It works like this:
- ‘Marry' indicates a desire to keep the player at their current number or sometimes a bit more;
- ‘Boff' (i.e., ‘F**k) means that we're, uhh, f**king the player over, asking for modifications to their contract or running them through the Re-Entry Draft process - we're interested, but not on these terms; and
- ‘Kill' means we're not even interesting in hooking up - a 'nope.' If under contract for 2016, we'd prefer terminating the player's contact with CF97.
So, let's get started with the Supporter's Player of the Year, the young King, Ghanaian wing forward David Accam.
2015 (and MLS career) stat line: 24 appearances, 21 starts, 1865 minutes; 10 goals, 2 assists
25-year-old Designated Player; $650,000 base salary, $720,938 guaranteed
The Case For 'Marry': David Accam is lightning, a player quick and clever enough to turn a defender's half-mistake into a goal. His searing pace puts tremendous, almost structural pressure on opposing defenses, and could be a valuable piece of the tactical puzzle for whomever is filling out the Fire's lineup sheet next season.
The Case For 'Boff': Ok, let's be honest here: There's not a huge case for trying to low-ball Accam. He did get a bit self-interested as the season drew to its end, but who wouldn't? And every dollar over $400k is off-the-books money since he's occupying a DP slot.
The Case For 'Kill': I'm going to say that 'kill,' in this case, means the Fire shop Accam aggressively. The main case to be made here might be that Accam is a very expensive sports car, prone to needing time in the shop, while the Men in Red need something more along the lines of a Volvo wagon. If the roster needs rebalancing - as it surely does - would selling Accam to a Championship side (for example) make sense?
So have your say, Fire family: David Accam: Marry? Boff? or Kill?
*Please note that we are taking the MLSPA salary information at face value in this exercise. It's common knowledge that the information isn't 100 percent correct, yes. If someone from the front office would like to provide us with superior data, we would be deeply appreciative.