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MLS Weekend Hatewatch, Week 8: Stuntin’ On The Jumbotron

Galaxy get back to losing ways, Toronto still stuck in the mud, and more

MLS: Atlanta United FC at Los Angeles Galaxy Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

Goddamn, this league is so weird sometimes. All these multiple-goal games, all these contending teams dropping points, but it’s still MLS in April sooooooooooo none of this matters? Probably? The season is 30-something games long but sometimes this feels more like baseball, where you can fall into ruts for extended stretches of time and still end up making a deep postseason run.

It also makes writing about MLS a pain in the ass, because I have to try and get you to care about stuff that probably doesn’t actually matter.

So hey, here’s some stuff that went down in Week 8 or whatever.

Sporting Kansas City 6-0 Vancouver Whitecaps

Dropping six on Vancouver isn’t that novel these days, I guess. But it’s worth noting that SKC are now unbeaten in seven. It’s like they lost that game in Week 1 and were all “haha no more of that!” So we might have to deal with KC being good again. Ugh.

LA Galaxy 0-2 Atlanta United

Even with Zlatan, the Galaxy are still vulnerable. We tried to tell the Fire that before their game last weekend, but did they listen? Nooooooooooo. And here are Atlanta, strolling into the StubHub Center all, “awww cute!”

Also, this:

Orlando City 3-2 San Jose Earthquakes

Orlando have been all about the late comebacks lately so it was fun to see them almost get burned by one themselves. Alas, it was not to be. SJ’s late goals were just a little too late to amount to a true rally.

Houston Dynamo 5-1 Toronto FC

I realize Toronto only dropped this turd because of the CONCACAF Champions League Final and that they’re still probably the best team in MLS right now. (Yes, even with them being at the bottom of the conference right now. Like I said: MLS in April.)

Still: lololololololololololololololololololol

Montreal Impact 3-5 Los Angeles FC

I have no real reason to wish Montreal any specific bad tidings. And yet here I am, laughing at their pain. Up 3-1 at halftime and then losing 5-3 is just <chef’s kiss>.

Seattle Sounders 3-1 Minnesota United

The fact that wide swaths of the regular season in MLS don’t matter is partly Seattle’s fault. Their 2016 season, in which they were abject failures until July before turning it around and ultimately winning the MLS Cup, basically ruined the regular season for everyone forever. The Sounders went into this weekend without having won a game yet in the 2018 season, but it didn’t matter because everyone knew they would eventually and it this early slump wouldn’t hurt them too much in the long run.

Sure enough, they got their three points at home against Minnesota. The Loons made it interesting in the second half, but we’ve all seen this movie before. Of course the Sounders were going to win. Of course their poor start to the season wasn’t really going to bite them.

Portland Timbers 3-0 New York City FC

Meanwhile, the team with the current best record in the league traveled to face Portland who have been struggling mightily this season. And New York got totally wrecked.

But, again, MLS in April. For all we know NYCFC are going to win the Shield this season. (Although they COULD also win the Wooden Spoon. So many possibilities!)