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Without A Paddle: Colorado Rapids vs Chicago Fire, MLS Week 16 Preview

The Fire head into the mountains looking for what should be three easy points

MLS: Colorado Rapids at Chicago Fire Mike DiNovo-USA TODAY Sports

It’s really hard to draw lines in the sand in Major League Soccer. Until September and October rolls around and teams fall out of contention by simple mathematics, it’s hard to definitively say that any given team must have X number of wins by Y date in order to ensure Z outcome. One of the best, and worst, things about MLS is that you’re never really out of playoff contention until pretty late in the season.

All that said, tonight feels like a bit of a Shit Or Get Off The Pot game for the Chicago Fire. Travel and high elevation aside, the Men In Red must see tonight’s clash with the Colorado Rapids, one of a vanishingly small number of teams in the league that are objectively worse than they are, as an opportunity. But more to the point— if we can’t get a win against a team this bad, then it sends a pretty clear signal on how the rest of the season is likely to go.

Simply put: if we can’t get a win against the Rapids, then what are we even doing here?

Chicago Fire all-time MLS record vs Colorado Rapids: 19W-9D-14L, 66 GF / 52 GA, 66 pts out of 126

Chicago Fire away MLS record vs Colorado Rapids: 3W-7D-10L, 21 GF / 32 GA, 16 pts out of 60

Previously On...

The Rapids have lost eight games in a row. They haven’t won a game in almost two months.

I mean, come on.

Suggested Lineup

Sanchez; Vincent, Lillard, Kappelhof, Corrales; Schweinsteiger, Adams, McCarty; Katai, Solignac, Nikolic

More or less the same lineup from Saturday. Likely the strongest team we can put out for right now. Just go do the thing.

Keys To The Match

Show Up At The Stadium On Time: Pretty straightforward. Make sure the bus has enough gas and that someone checks monitors traffic reports for the area.

Dress For The Game In Accordance With Club And League Guidelines: Also pretty simple. Put on the right uniforms, make sure you’re wearing the proper safety equipment, make sure someone’s wearing the captain’s armband. Underwear first. Socks, THEN shoes. Tie your laces real tight. Easy peasy.

Play A Game Of Soccer As Outlined In FIFA’s Laws Of The Game: Also really simple! You might be tempted to sit down and play some backgammon instead of soccer. A tantalizing possibility, for sure. But don’t do it! While you’re playing backgammon your opponents, the Colorado Rapids, will be playing a game of soccer! If you do not also play that game of soccer, they will score many goals against you while you are playing backgammon. You may win some exciting games of backgammon, but you will lose the soccer game. It is important that you not do that! Play the soccer game with the Colorado Rapids soccer team and, because you are better soccer players than the Colorado Rapids, there is a very good chance that you will win.

How To Watch

Television: N/A

Streaming: ESPN+

Fundraiser

Goals scored by the Fire for this game will count towards our Pride Month Fundraiser. Click HERE to donate.

Final Thoughts

Can the Fire manage to beat one of the few teams that’s objectively worse than them? Let us know in the comments below!