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Roundtable: Light As A Feather, Stiff As A Board

The HTIOT crew trifles with powerful forces beyond their understanding in order to #BuyKatai. Plus, #SEAvCHI, #CHIvUTA, & more!

Photo via RJ

James Bridget Gordon: Happy Monday, all.

The Fire drew in Seattle. We should’ve won this game, and we couldn’t. Where did we go wrong?

Adnan Bašić: Everyone (expect Katai) leaving their shooting boots back in Chicago was the biggest problem. Collier Niko and Gordon all missing chances that would’ve been converted 99% of the time.

Ruben Tisch: What he said.

Adnan: Which is a damn shame cause the Fire def outplayed Seattle. Especially towards the end.

James Bridget: It was really frustrating watching the Fire play so well against a team they’ve historically struggled with and still not win.

Ruben: Luis Solignac, in particular, needs to be upgraded upon. And I feel like I’ve uttered that particular sentence at least once a season for the last three years.

James Bridget: Soli is a great depth player. But if he’s starting for us, something’s not right. I’d much rather have Campos starting up top but apparently Pauno has decided he’s a fullback now, because lol nothing matters.

Ruben: Why even Ramos if you’re not going to Ramos?

James Bridget: I know right?

Adnan: Do not get me started on Solignac. Serial bottlejob.

Ruben: Go off. You have my permission.

Adnan: He’s the least convincing finisher I’ve ever seen in my life. He needs like fifteen touches to settle himself in the penalty area. He can’t kick it with any power. Only thing I give him credit for is opening up space for others. He needs to be replaced if we want to push for the playoffs.

Ruben: Go on, son. Get in!

Adnan: Alright I’ve gotten that off.

I thought Campos was showing improvement on the wing, but idk what Pauno is doing with him at right back.

Ruben: Fire emoji fire emoji fire emoji

James Bridget: Speaking of roster needs: Katai. We need to buy Katai. We haven’t bought Katai yet. Why won’t we buy Katai?

Ruben: I fully expect a deal at some point to be announced. Maybe they forgot his agent’s fax number.

Adnan: I think they’re just holding out till the final hour in case he suffers an injury in the NYCFC game. Although I’m starting to get a lil nervous.

James Bridget: I dunno, man. This is really close to the wire.

Adnan: If they somehow don’t buy him I think that would be the last straw for many fans.

Ruel Gutierrez Apostol: Desperate times means desperate measures.

James Bridget: Taking Meme Magic to a whole new level.

Ruben: Off topic but soccer related (it’s newsworthy today), the USMNT should hire Big Phil as the coach of the Men’s National Team, and I don’t think it’s close.

Adnan: Big Phil? Big Sam?

James Bridget: Big Poppa?

Ruben: Luiz Felipe Scolari.

Adnan: Hmmmmm.

James Bridget: You’re fired.

Ruben: Him or Dunga.

James Bridget: Double fired.

Adnan: several people are typing

RJ: Please no.

Ruben: Gotta learn this young team to be boring and organized. It’s the only way.

Adnan: Then get Big Sam. No language barrier either.

James Bridget: Have... have you ever heard Sam Allardyce give a press conference?

Ruben: No. No English managers. They stink.

Adnan: Sean Dyche would like to have a word.

RJ: David Moyes for USMNT manager.

James Bridget: Fired. Fired. Fired. You’re all fired. None of you are free of sin.

Ruben: If I’m fired, you’re coming with me.


James Bridget: I hate my life.

Ruben: I’m sorry I ever brought this up.

RJ: Moyes knows dos tres quatro languages tho.

Ruben: I’m so so sorry.

Right. Saturday. NYCFC. How much should we be dreading this?

James Bridget: A lot!!

Adnan: Even without Villa I’m quite scared.

Ruben: Their last 5 games are WLWLD

James Bridget: I’m just dreading another round of Sean Johnson Discourse.

Ruben: Same. He’s good. There was a personality clash with the brand new manager, understandably they got rid of the player. Move on.

James Bridget: People are mad because Certain Fans hurled abuse his way and he barked back. God forbid anyone stand up to them.

Ruben: Sigh.

James Bridget: Anyway, I’m predicting Fire lose 2-1.

Ruben: 2-2 draw. I think.

Adnan: 1-1 NYCFC tie late after Katai opener.

James Bridget: Any more Fire takes before we do the shift change?

Adnan: Collier is a tall Solignac.

James Bridget: Some deep shit here to start the week.

Alright, shift change!

The Red Stars won! Huzzah! And man, we really needed that.

Claire Watkins: Yeah remember last week when we traded to get Vanessa Dibernardo back and nothing else.

James Bridget: Good times good times.

Claire: I thought Utah had a weirdly down game defensively, but also Chicago did a very good job of taking the opportunities where they had them

James Bridget: Agreed, and it was nice seeing that from this team again.

Claire: Love defender goals. Especially cuz this was Naughton’s first ever.

James Bridget: Yes! Honestly if DiBern wasn’t being DiBern, Naughton would’ve been my WOTM pick.

Claire: Had the classic “lost all control of limbs” first goal celly too. Soccer can be fun!

James Bridget: I do feel like this game may not be a representative example of how the trade will affect the team. This seems like it’s going to have to be a medium- and long-term observation.

Although Moe being a late scratch certainly doesn’t bode well.

Sandra Herrera: I’m just here because whenever Defenders score the world is perfect for at least a brief moment. Congrats Naughton.

I think looking at both recent performances against the Thorns and Royals, says a lot about the team and their mentality in general at the moment. But agree that the trade terms won’t come into affect till much later.

Claire: I’m genuinely not trying to be insulting when I say my expectations for the Morgan Brian experiment are relatively low.

Sandra: Baby steps.

Claire: I hope she’s helpful when she’s on the field, and I think the Red Stars aren’t necessarily worse without her. In that respect, props to Stanton for being ready to go.

Sandra: During postgame, Rory Dames mentioned that it’s hamstring tightness which I don’t think is uncommon for players like White and Brian coming back from long term injuries.

Here for Nikki Stanton reminding everyone that the real blockbuster trade is her.

Claire: For real.

Sandra: Unless Brooke Elby comes through like <record scratch> Hold Up.

Claire: Very much hoping to see both Moe and Elby next Sunday against the Spirit. They’re a great team for new players to get a run out on.

I also thought Short looked confident out there, which is great to see. Danny had a hell of a service for the first goal.

I agree with y’all that it’s early days but playing with purpose is good to see.

Sandra: Samesie. Not sure what kind of strategy it is to have Casey Short go One v FOUR in her first 45 mins back, but uhm, it was a sight to see.

Claire: Ha, she went for it though

Sandra: Getting up and down those flanks for the flank Gods.

Claire: Just grabbing a little extra conditioning, nbd.

Sandra: Then you got DiBernardo ala smoking Lebron meme - like 10 mins? 20 mins? I don’t give a damn, gimme the ball lemme make something happen.

Claire: Her chances per minute played are off the flipping chart right now. Of course she assisted her own assist to her goal. She’s like the pin that pops all the tension the Red Stars are working through on the field.

Sandra: It’s pretty evident that NC Courage are running away with the table, but playoff spots 2,3,4 are up for grabs. And I think with a 9 team league, that’s not a bad scenario.

Claire: Orlando surging, Seattle fading a bit

Sandra: Players like Short, DiBernardo, Elby, and Brian only add to that not hinder it. But again, only time will tell.

Claire: 6 pts taken from two games against Utah. Could be way worse, fam.

Sandra: True.

Claire: I just want to have a strong run of consecutive games.

Sandra: Plus there’s gonna be dogs this next game, so. I mean. The future just feels right.

James Bridget: Hi yes I’m here for puppies.

Claire: Should be a match between CRS and Wash pets instead.

Sandra: Doggosss

Claire: I think we’ve got numbers on ‘em.

James Bridget: You know what the best thing about puppies is?


Sandra: No truer analysis.

Claire: My scouting report:

Strengths - puppies

Weaknesses - possibly too Good

Sandra: The preview will just be posts of cute dogs.