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Allow Me To Spin A Yarn: Sky Blue FC 2, Chicago Red Stars 1, NWSL Game Recap

An odd thing happened on the way to New Jersey

Sky Blue FC 2 Monaghan 71’, 90-2’

Chicago Red Stars 1 Kerr 90+1’

Okay, I realize there’s a score of a soccer game at the top of this page.

But if I’m being honest that’s quite odd to me, dear reader, considering that the Chicago Red Stars didn’t play one today. They were certainly supposed to, as it was scheduled at 6pm ET Wednesday evening vs Sky Blue FC, but what ended up happening was far stranger.

Both teams released their lineups, fans filtered into Yurcak Field, and the officials took their places to signal both squads into action. It was an exciting matchup, with Chicago attempting a club-record 6 NWSL games won in a row, and Sky Blue aiming to foil them for a second time this year.

But then, and I’m not sure exactly how to put this delicately, the game never happened.

As far as I can tell, a whirling portal opened up in the center of midfield, washing away any trace of tactical formations either team might have planned, and a deafening squall overtook all open air within a square mile radius of Rutgers University.

For 90 minutes everything was frozen in amber, beautiful and terrifying to behold.

Fortunately for everyone, large collective dissociative events can’t last forever, and once everyone came to their senses (and the requisite “stoppage time” had been accounted for) it was time to stare back into the universe to determine a winner in a contest that, as I mentioned, never occurred.

First, on the bare ground lay three yellow cards, each with a name burned into its side. The first name? Wright (55’). This caused some confusion as all initial assumptions were made that it must belong to a Wright of the Arin variety. Eventually however, Chicago’s left back was relieved of the existential burden of warning when the instigator turned out to be Kenie Wright, who was surprised to hear she came in as a sub in the 40th minute to replace an injured Imani Dorsey. The other two names? Nagasato (61’) and Naughton (63’), upon which everyone agreed that the Red Stars must have had a very bad five minutes once the game hit the hour mark.

After the reading of the cards, the official list of goal scorers was found upon rummaging in the back of the Budweiser Beer Garden. The first name read aloud was Sam Kerr, which the Red Stars took to mean very good news, until the reader qualified that announcements were being made by competition standards, and the winner would therefore be determined last.

Hearing Paige Monaghan’s name after Kerr’s shocked no one, as the rookie has been playing well as her first season in the league has progressed, but the second reading of her name pointed out that despite not playing a soccer game that evening, the Red Stars had clearly let something go terribly awry.

(The addendum extolling the sacrifice of Sam Kerr’s foot has yet to be further assessed, but everyone agreed it was unnecessary and should hopefully be struck from the record going forward.)

So my friends, as much as the Red Stars would have liked to play a soccer game this evening, and extend their winning streak, it simply didn’t happen. Sometimes there is meaning to be derived in such things. But sometimes you stay on the East Coast for a little too long, and the universe briefly opens and the sky falls a bit. So you pick yourself up, go home to Chicago, and get ready for your next game.

The Red Stars are back at it next Wednesday, August 21st at home against the Orlando Pride.