MLS Roundup Week 18: Rivalries in this economy?

It was MLS rivalry week, and we saw the Fire face-off that yellow team from Ohio for once during this sacred week of the soccer calendar. Unfortunately, it didn’t turn out too well but fret not; it wasn’t the only Fire that embarrassed itself.

Here’s your MLS weekly roundup.

Philadelphia Union 7 - 0 D.C. United

Wayne Rooney, rumored to be the future coach of D.C. United, woke up one morning and saw the score and most likely uttered to himself, “erm, this ain’t it.”

For the rest of the D.C. fan base, I’m sure they echo the same sentiment. Fire legend Alejandro Bedoya was the first on the mark in the 9th minute. Julian Caranza, on loan from Inter Miami, doubled Philly’s lead in the 22nd minute, only for him to score his brace three minutes later. At this point in the game, D.C. United looks to have given up. In the 36th minute, Bedoya scored his second and fourth goal of the night. Not to be left out of the party, Mikael Uhre scored during stoppage time of the first half. The tempo of the game slightly slowed down during the start of the second half, but Uhre had other plans on his mind. In the 59th minute, he scored the 6th goal of the game.

I don’t even have a pun ready for that sort of humiliation. Then, in the 69th minute, Philadelphia was awarded a penalty because of contact from a D.C. player inside the box. Caranza stepped up to the plate, but his shot got saved. He later redeemed himself two minutes later with the 7th goal of the night.

Hey, if you think the Fire was terrible against the Crew, at least they didn’t lose 7-0 nil.

LAFC 3 - 2 LA Galaxy

There is nothing like a good old fashion El Trafico game for MLS Rivalry Week sponsored by Heineken.

Jokes aside, this rivalry has a bit of excitement to it. You can always expect goals to occur. Jose Cifuentes scored a header in the 16th minute from a Kellyn Acosta assist. Former AS Monaco winger Samuel Grandsir equalized for the Galaxy in the 55th minute, his first goal of the season. In the 70th minute, Cifuentes scored a beauty of a shot from outside the box, giving the hosts the lead. Cristian Arango scored two minutes later, which would be the winning goal for LAFC. Rayan Raveloson scored the Galaxy’s consolation goal nearly 10 minutes later.

Vancouver Whitecaps 1 - 3 Minnesota United

Vancouver is back to its losing ways.

The game was practically at a stalemate for the better half of the game, with Minnesota looking slightly better on paper. Lucas Cavallini put the hosts in the lead in the 66th minute, but that excitement was short-lived. Kemar Lawerence equalized for the Loons five minutes later. Like the Fire, Vancouver had their capitulation, and towards the end of the game, Luis Amarilla gave the visitors the lead in the 84th minute. Franco Fragapane confirmed the win for the Loons four minutes later with a goal of his own.

NYCFC 4 -2 New England Revolution

I rarely agree with Bruce Arena. But after his team’s loss against NYCFC, he said Yankee Stadium was a “bad baseball field,” - which I agree with him. But New England Fans may not agree with the score line at the end of the game.

NYCFC does what they do best in their “bad baseball field,” which is win games. Within 10 minutes, a penalty was awarded to NYCFC after Andrew Farrell committed a foul inside the box. Tallies Mango converted the shot, and it was off to the races. Gustavo Bou equalized for the Revs eight minutes later. In the 31st minute, NYCFC was again awarded another penalty after a foul, but the Rev’s keeper saved Valentin Castallenos’ attempt.

Guess what happened 10 minutes later? Another penalty. After another poor judgment by Farrell - in which the ref showed him the red card, NYCFC was awarded a chance at goal, which Castallenos converted this time. Nine minutes into the start of the second half, Gabriel Pereira scored NYCFC’s third goal of the day. Bou scored the Rev’s consolation goal in the 77th minute, and Casallenos gave the final blow to the Revs five minutes later with his hat-trick.

Seattle Sounders 0 - 3 Portland Timbers

Imagine getting blown out of the water during what was supposed to be a celebratory night.

That is what Seattle experienced. Everything was rosy as Seattle unveiled their CONCACAF Champions League banner, and the mood in Lumen Field was festive. Then their noisy neighbors down south came knocking. Seattle looked strong, but Portland was determined to make a statement. Jaroslaw Niezgoda scored for the visitors in the 24th minute. Seattle threw a fight afterward, but it wasn’t enough to ward off Portland. In the dying stages of the match, Portland was awarded a penalty because of a handball, and Santiago Moreno Cooley converted it. Three minutes later, Dairon Asprilla scored, handing Seattle its worse home loss against their rivals.

Charlotte FC 4 - 1 Nashville SC

I’ve always said the Charlotte FC bubble would burst, and to my credit, they have in many ways. However, that isn’t to say they aren’t a good team.

Against a strong Nashville side, they dismantled them quickly in front of their home crowd. Christian Fuchs scored the game's first goal from the penalty spot in the 26th minute. Karol Swiderski doubled their lead in the second half in the 61st minute, with Hany Mukhtar scoring the lone goal for Nashville six minutes later. Charlotte’s win was confirmed after a rapid succession of two goals from Sergio Ruiz and Andre Shinyashiki towards the end of the match in the 89th and 90th minute, respectively.

Atlanta United 0 - 3 Austin FC

Despite Atlanta’s dominating Austin in the stat department, they couldn’t muster a fight against one of the newer kids on the block. Instead, many individual errors from Atlanta’s side gifted Austin the win. Felipe Martins scored early in the game to give the visitors the lead. Ethan Finlay doubled Austin’s lead in the 17th minute, and Sebastian Driussi closed the game with a goal in the 57th minute.

Atlanta’s leading man, Josef Martinez, called out his fellow teammates and front office shortly after. Maybe we need some of that mentally here in Chicago.

FC Cincinnati 1 - 1 New York Red Bulls

Somehow a 9-man FC Cincinnati held a draw against the energy drinks. Brandon Vasquez scored the game’s first goal, giving the hosts the lead in the 21st minute. Lewis Morgan later equalized for New York in the 28th minute after converting a penalty kick awarded to them after a Cincinnati foul.

Alan Cruz was shown red after a dumb foul on Liquinhas during the second half, with his fellow teammate Luciano Acosta also shown red after another dumb move on his part - head butting Aaron Long.

Overall, lots of dumb moves, but kudos to Cincinnati for holding a draw against one of the top teams in the East.

Toronto FC 2 -2 San Jose Earthquakes

Two respective bums of each conference battled it out for a draw on Saturday. First, Jeremy Ebobisse gave the Earthquakes the lead in the 26th minute. Then for the rest of the game, the two teams were both competing to play the possible MLS type of soccer one could imagine.

Deandre Kerr equalized for Toronto in the 71st minute, with Jonathan Osorio briefly giving them the lead four minutes later. However, San Jose would later balance out the score sheet in stoppage time courtesy of Jack Skahan.

Montreal 1 - 2 Sporting Kansas City

Look, another case of a team who looked better in the stat department losing to a team who just took their chances seriously.

Despite Montreal looking good on paper, they narrowly lost to an inferior Sporting Kansas City side - but would it be fair to call poor if they won?

Montreal gained the lead first in the 13th minute, thanks to Rowell Quioto. Despite only having six shots, Kansas City won the game thanks to goals from Roger Espinoza and Remi Walter in the 29th and 63rd minute, respectively.

Houston Dynamo 2 -2 FC Dallas, a.k.a Herrera Commentary from RJ

I didn’t get to watch much of this match, but it was the MLS debut of Mexican international Hector Herrera - who a few years ago I would have liked to see the Fire pick up. He is one of the more well-rounded box-to-box midfielders that would suit any MLS team, provided the opposing side won’t throw all their players toward him (which sounds like what is happening to Shaqiri).

I’ve always rated the man, and I can’t wait to see what he does for Houston. They’ve got themselves a good player on their hands.

Orlando City 1 - 0 Inter Miami

It was hard to watch this game - even the highlights. These are just two unlikable teams. And it was decided in the most unlikable way imaginable, an own goal in the game’s dying stages from Inter Miami’s Damion Lowe.